Postpartum: Holidays

Holidays have come and gone like the first couple of guys at a bukkake, now what do I do with this mess?

Okay so I know I have a lot to be thankful for during Christmas time especially when some people have so little out there, might be far away from their families or might even be Jewish. I realize I do have it pretty good but I still get those nuisance gifts once in a while.

My family enjoys Christmas but they don't take it to the extreme like other families they might get a tree but they won't put lights on their house they will take the day off from work but they sure as hell aren't going to Church. Now Pops, who has a little bit of money chooses to buy an assortment of gifts from the dollar store. He is a bargain hound, he sniffs them out like Jared Fogle sniffs out spiderman underpants.

Every year is just about the same, me and my brother in law actually get identical gifts because Pops is straight up crazy.I open up this melange of gifts stuffed into a bag way too small that is already ripped down one side and examine the contents.

Including but not limited to;

-4 pack of hot sauce

-expired truffles from Ocean State job lot

-hammer and allen wrench set

-a pair of heavy duty socks

-bottom shelf quality duck tape

-two flashlights

-sassafras hard candies

-one single kitchen knife

-rope

-12 foot tape measure

-hazard signal

Apparently my father thinks the world is going to end but it's not going to be that bad.

Now the question comes of what to do with all these fine items.. I do admit though, some of them are still better than gift cards to chain restaurants. I hate looking cheap trying to take a girl out to dinner and having to pull out the old $25 off gift certificate on a place that does entrees 2 for 20 dollars. That just makes you look like a poor. I might be able to throw a discount rave with the hazard light and turn that 5 year old hot sauce into a psychedelic.

Follow Stoney on Twitter @ yokhed