Nitrous and the dentist

Hello fellow Tin Canners! How is our millions of readers doing today? I was talking to my Twitter peeps and I saw that the Threader Pete who's

handle is @CMB991 say he was on his way to the dentist. He even left the Thread brethren his twitter account if he happened to die in the dentist chair. This made some of the Thread make some dentist jokes and I immediately thought of my own experience at the dentist when I got thrown out. First let me say I was not a patient when I got thrown out. I was working at night after the dentist in question closed up shop and I needed to clean it for another employee who called in sick.

This was my first job, I worked for this guy on and off since I was in 7th grade. He was a friend of the family who would pick me up and I will go to some accounts and empty the garbages and mop, shit like that mostly and I would get dropped off at home with some pocket money. I became good friends with this guy all the way up till today.

I used this job as a reason I had money when I got out of school and wasn't really working. I was 20 and needed a reason to give the family when they wondered why I buying nice things like my 2 year old Audi, rented house in the Hamptons and nice clothes.(anyone in my position knows exactly what I'm talking about)

So I would tell my parents I was my best friends assistant as the club promoter for a place called the Flying Point in Bridgehampton that's now a Ethan Allen and a manager for the previous mentioned cleaning company. I actually did these things on occasion and this made the fraud I told my family easier to fib about. This brings us to the dentist story. I did all the work necessary to complete this job for my boss many times before so he had no issues giving me the key for the cleaning job he was contracted to do weekly.

Now let me get to the good part. After opening the door and shutting of the alarm I called a few of my special friends to meet me in the dentist office. I did this since its a lot better than meeting in the car on some dead end street. I started cleaning taking breaks whenever my special(wink wink)friends came by to see me. Since it was a Friday I decided to make the dentist my safe spot for the night and I kept my special friends coming and coming. It was after midnight when I got done with cleaning the office.

I started getting bored as I waited for more of my special groupies to swing thru. So I started snooping around opening anything I could be opened. I couldn't believe that I wasn't able to find anything worth the chance of getting in trouble so I figured I would leave after the last of my guys came by. By this time it was almost 2am when the little light bulb in my head went off and I remembered that most dentist's have NITROUS!!!! So I jumped out of the my seat quicker than than a fat guy would eat the last donut in the office break room! I saw the Nitrous machine shining like it had a halo over it and it was blessed by the Lord himself!! I was upset with myself for not thinking of this sooner, I been in this account many times before and never thought of this awesome idea.

Most people would think that a Nitrous machine would be hard to operate but it wasn't at all. I played around with this contraption moving whatever seemed moveable and after a few of this and a few of that I got it humming nicely. If any of you guys did this before you would know nothing makes you feel out of your mind than the minute or two after inhaling this beautiful gas of the gods! So there I was sitting in the dentist chair just me and a endless amount Nitrous.

This is where the story should end, I tried the stuff and it was 3am and I could've put it back with no one knowing what I did. The problem with that is I never know when to say when. If any of you know me you would know that I think more is always better, 10 pills are better than 1, fuck a hundred dollar bet, make it a thousand and fuck 2 hits of Nitrous when you have a entire tank!! So there I sat taking this Nitrous as I experimented the amount coming out the machine and in to my lungs. I got it perfect to where I just sat there in the chair without a care in the world. Someone could've been snapping of my toes one by one with old rusty pliers and I would've not cared or even known what the hell was going on. This is where my idiot ass lost control and went too far. I started turning it up a notch, literally and figuratively to the point where I must have blacked out! I didn't remember anything after that.

Fast forward too 7am, I awaken to three people looking over me as I was sitting the dentist chair with a oxygen mask covering my mouth. Apparently I passed out with the the shit running in my mouth, it was honestly the best four hours of sleep in my life! I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to do I was caught red handed and these three were standing over me! All I did was say "good morning, how you doing" then the actual dentist started screaming at me saying I could have died if I turned it on too high and fell asleep. That's why someone always has to be in the room. He started screaming out of control to the point he was practically giving me a shower with all the spit coming out of his fat mouth. When I had a second in between his tirade I yelled back "I was tired and was having a real busy week"

He kept on yelling and yelling then he went to call my boss and said I had 2 minute to get the fuck out and never come back! Lastly he said "are those three cars in the parking lot waiting for you." Holy shit these crack heads waited 4 hours for me to come out, 4 FREAKING HOURS THEY BEEN WAITING!!! After meeting them my phone started ringing, it was the boss man. I thought he would be really pissed off but when I said hello all I heard was a ton of laughing. He had me on speaker with some of his workers. He explained that he didn't even lose the account and he always wondered about that machine. He made me promise to meet him there next week so he can get the key and most importantly show him how to use the Nitrous machine!😂😂😂😂

Written by @DFritzlo